GCMJM

Life has been hard. E has been difficult in terms of her issues in school.  On top of that. Some are giving me a hard time on top of having a hard time. Recently celebrated GGma's birthday, as much as i tried to avoid certain family members,  Shit still came to me in the form of fabricated lies. Whats new right? I already predicted there will be problems if there was some kind of overlap .... ESPECIALLY at a party with lots of family members. Now they play it clever by using a kid to lie. (the kid was damn rude) but u know what , if the parents dont teach, there is another teacher, the PRISON.  So im not gonna make a big deal out of it. let him be and let him continue lying and being rude. Not my kid! Anw, karma will get them. if not now, then when they least expect. The parents have been on one side, the side of the lie fabricators. As much as i thought i was stone rock solid heart, i dunno what happened.. why did i break? why did i care? why did i even try to understand...

 When hope is gone.  When you try your hardest to scream! When you try your hardest to make them see! When you try your hardest to understand and come to their Senses but in the end it’s still back to square one.  Some battles are not worth fighting after losing countless times When it’s so clear they don’t want you around and prefer others to you. They prefer to spend all quality time with the others but not yours.  It’s time to go. And this time. It will be for good.  She said to leave so we will. Her wish will be granted. Be careful of what you say or what you wish for. You will lose the people who were the most genuine in your life and you will be left with the pretentious ones. What you looked at was just money fame and attention but all that will fade and true characters will show in due time. Till then , it will be too late to regret because I will be gone. We will be gone. The kids you chose to neglect for others will be gone. The ones who were the most ...

 Shit happens and sometimes.  1st kid down with influenza and then encephalitis. Life never the same again. Finances are all put into getting her better. Therapy and classes and interventions. We spend about 10k+ on her a month. Little bro only take a small portion of that and only has Chinese classes apart from school.  To think you get family who are supportive? Umm think again?  People who rat you out when you just ask for help when you’re practically alone having to split yourself picking 2 kids schooling 45 mins away from each other. Having school meetings after work and knowing you can only get 1 of the 2 and need help to get the other if not there will be a penalty. So you ask for help. But you get trouble for this cause certain evil family members instead of offering help prefer to cause more problems for you.  Now, the grandparents of the 2 little kids, they favour the half angmo grandkids only and spend all the weekends dining out with the half-white g...

TRIP FROM HELL I cal sum this trip from hell in bullet points -SELFISH -SELFCENTERED -SELF ENTITLEMENT -THINKS THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS AGAINST YOU AND YOURE NOT THE PROBLEM Who goes for ever trip and buys new shoes the day before every time? Go shopping only must must get lipstick?! Butter effing fingers caused nail polish to fall and splatter,! And what? Behavior went out of control like the world was goin to collapse! Wtf?' U think magic ah? I ended up on my bloody hands and knees on the damn floor cleaning While the empress moved her mouth . Only know how to move mouth! And it was her fault And can say u know what?' " something is keeping me from goin on this trip , should not go!" Piss me more! Then it was me who cleaned her bloody pants can still say, it's my fav pants! Get over it la. Everything also fav! Then not enough must buy new one. Show friggin attitude! At dfs can pay tgt to get 100 but no too self centered! So in the end. I lost...

Sometimes you just gotta be fierce and give people the cold treatment and somehow they start moving their ass, stop being lazy and do their job. If you're too nice, people climb all over you and think you're their friend and think you would do their job for them. I had enough of that. For this one particular staff, not being friendly to her works out just fine! Actually Spectacularly !!! Work has been okay. quite satisfying to see the bank account grow each month. Tend to be more of a miser now. Although work can be tiring at times it literally pays off each month on the 28th. Been happier lately .. hopefully this is a continuous exponential climb and not one that hits the ground again. So many weddings to attend these few months. Weddings are expensive to attend. =( okbai

I feel very strongly against people who treat others like dirt just because they think they have attained a certain status which gives them the right to. Some attain such 'status'only cause someone worked hard and they just feed off it. I see this everyday.... but i cant stop it. I don't have enough power and when i try to, i get yelled or get labelled 'bias''. People fabricate lies/scenarios/ stories that are non-existent , made up only in the head and believe them to be true. Why? because they have nothing better to do and cannot live with peace longer than a month. You cant take away someones job/future based on something you made up with no evidence at all. How can you live with yourself? how can u call yourself a good person? A good person is kind, a good person has patience. I see nothing like that in you. People who are not as fortunate have to travel to another country to find for work that will help them and their families, but you treat their...

It's been a few days but it's still so raw. I miss u so much thumper and I'd give almost anything to have u back. I don't think I'd get over losing U. U have been a part of me for 5 years and It seems like I had u for 50 years. I'll never for get these years spent with u and I think You went away too soon. It was so hard seeing u motionless and it was harder to have u cremated. My fluffy bunny Reduced to bones. Hurts so so much. I'll never get over this ever. Never! I wish I had more time with u and I wish u were able to tell me if u were going to leave me. Why was it so sudden. U were a healthy bunny. I'll try to feel better... But I know deep down . However hard I try to mask my sadness it'll never go away and u will be in my thoughts forever. I'll keep wondering where u are and what u have become. Wherever u are. I hope u are happy and safe. And when it is my time. I'll find u and give u a big hug. Till then , take care ...

I burnt a big hole in my pocket and got measlf a disney sewing machine. It is a friggin amazing machine. I can safely say that I've found something I am Absolutely in love with. Sewing stuff transports me to another world where I Forget everything. All I want to do is see and create things that amaze me. I wish I could do this as a job, I'd be so so happy to just sit there, measure stuff , cut cloth and sew! Dream come true! I find myself spending all my free time learning and reading more about sewing , embroidery , getting paper patterns and all the swine sewing gadgets! Next up, I might get a serger but that's not necessary at the moment. But I am Searching for a mini iron for my seams and stuff. Can't keep using my flat iron That's ment for my hair... Haha December is fast approaching!! That means holiday is coming soon!!!!!! Okay bai

Always like that! Always back to square 1. Print application with excitement then fill it out with excitement then suddenly stupid thoughts stream through the head.... Maybe it's not such a good decision, u might regret this, what if this and what if that? Always no courage. Sick of this battle in my head. I'm so lost, I don't know what I should do. I know what seems right to do but what is right isn't what I know will satisfy what my heart wants. Both options have equal pros and cons but only one is a now or never opportunity. Yes , there's a possibility I'll hate it and there's a possibility I might regret. But I'll never know if I don't try. Ugh... By far, the HARDEST decision I've had to make in my entire life! need some friggin good reason to sway my decision now

I've made up my mind and it will not sway anymore. I want to do this cause it will make me happy and it is time I start doing something for me and not someone else. I'm tired of doing stuff to make someone else happy cause in the end, I end up unhappy and that isn't what I want. October 11 here I come, finally.

Finally got myself health insurance. Feels good. Quite ex but okay la... its a must get anyway. House hunting is tiring, i dont get how houses are so expensive! Expensive is not the word! ITS UNAFFORDABLE! i feel so poor looking at these prices. Low is considered 1.2million?!!! WTH And not in a fantastic location even. Well the lower the price the more inaccessible. Sucks! WHY?!! WHY so ex!! Plus the houses being built is just getting smaller and smaller. Common rooms just nicely fit a queen bed and thats it, u only can walk on the perimeter of the bed and no space for anything else!! SIAO man. Then comes the decision between freehold and 99 years. Not much of a decision cause the price difference is enough to help me make a choice. Freehold is out of my league... although it makes more sense. But too bad, imma poor person. Work... more responsibilities everyday, working is piling on me. i feel suffocated already. I dont wanna stay on. I have made up my mind, im going somewhe...

And so what I deemed special isn't anymore. It's all a lie. I don't understand anymore. I'm beginning to let go and lose hope. No more motivation no more drive. I'm giving up.

House hunting for the past month has been an eye opener. Houses are so goddamn expensive! Everything seems to be above a million . Sure ! There are loans but take a million loan? And work all your life to pay it off? No travels ? No indulgences ? No room for fun ? Just work work work work work? Have to find something that strikes a balance but so far , nothing. The one that I want is way out of budget! :( sadness. Oh well .... Got to move on and keep on searching. So much more to think about other than work. My brain is working overtime. Work has become a routine thing that I dread everyday. I feel like I'm in a very small box! No space to move , no space to grow. Work ot, no extra pay, can't even claim hours, so  why should I put in extra time? Why should I dedicate myself to work when there isn't any job satisfaction. Can't wait to make a switch. Least wherever I'm going I know that the harder I work the more rewards I'll reap. This way there's m...

Work has been getting more tiring over the past few weeks. I dont know where all these patients are coming from but whatever it is, it is NON-STOP dispensing the whole day. Some people dont even see me the entire day and realise im at work only at the end of the day just cause im outside dispensing the whole goddamn day. So tiring... plus i have a stupid project to finish. So much more responsibilities now... so crappy :( Ive been trying my best to go to the gym more regularly now. Not easy but, ill do my best. Things are getting more real now. We are going to evaluate our home loan borrowing capacity this Saturday if all goes well. Which bank to get the loan from. i have no idea.. but ive got to do some homework. got to familiarise myself between the fixed and floating loans ... so much to read up on and so many banks to compare to get the best rates available. There after we would probably go look at some houses... shits getting real. Going to Japan late june and i cannot wait...

If I've learnt anything the past month it is to be oblivious to things around u, shut up, keep information to yourself and that goes for your opinions too. Never trust anyone. If u know something good for u and move on and away from it all. Remove yourself from all situations even if u think you have to step up and do something about it. Apart from my epiphany I have had a good march and first bit of April. Met benji and coco, I want to puppy-nap them! Cute puppies. The boyfriend is finally home after a month and a half  which was not as tough as I thought It would be. It was hard the first 2 weeks then I just got used to it. Thank god for technology. So there's a good tip write up for travelers to japan ,  http://edition.cnn.com/2014/04/06/travel/japan-travel-tips/index.html?c&page=5 . Very very very insightful. Hoping to make a trip to japan late June. So, little updates, we have set a timeline for  ourselves. We've decided that June will be the month we si...

I think I've got my expectations way up there. Got to start to stop expecting so much seriously.... It's just going to kill me slowly. Okay v'day was a ..... I think I expected too much day. But hey... It turned out awesome in the end. Lotsa memories and things to laugh about. E.g. Me trying to catch a burning lantern.. Ok moving forward... The airshow was actually pretty fun. Black eagles were WOW!! It was hot. I got chao da skin after it all but it's all okay. I got my leave approved for late June-July Japan trip.. HOPEFULLY ( if the bf gets his leave) So the plan is. Budget everything! Budget flights and accommodation. This way, the extra savings can be used on train tickets, Disney tickets, performances, FOOOD, random Japan buys... Etc. because need to  save tts why have such a tight budget. So I've done 50% research and its looking good. Plan is to fly to Osaka, take the shinkansens that are included in the rail pass to Kyoto and then to tokyo. We don...

I signed up for this, i knew from the start that this wouldn't be easy. I thought it was easier than it looked actually... I thought what he said about having absolutely no time was just an exaggeration. Well i was soo sooo wrong. Its not easy. But he has reminded me that anything worth having doesn't come easy and that this will just be a phase that will soon ease off. Soon meaning (Few years...) I've come to realise that the only way to live through this is to keep myself busy, give myself mini projects to occupy my time. Im thinking of leaving my current job.. but that will only happen after the bond. I am not earning what I am potentially capable of. I put in hours in this current place but i don't get any form of compensation or appreciation. So why not put in the hours in another company where my efforts will be paid off..  I could be earning as much as 3x my current pay. So why not? After all I have nothing better to do. Taking leave at this current place is...

Ever since I was little I had to endure the constant agony of keeping silent as you put me down in front of others. Nothing has changed.... You remain the same evil, cunning, ill intentioned person I used to know. Now you have just become more open about putting me down. What's more? You do it in a sarcastic , indirect manner so as to put your point across and covering your ass. I'm not silly, I can read btw the lines and I know that your evil mouth cannot be sealed. You say nasty things about me that are untrue to family and friends. What do I do? I just keep quiet. You tell these people to keep what you told them from me or else I'd get angry? Why? Because you know that if they questioned me, your lies would be exposed. You're supposed to be family. But honestly... I think you are far from it. You act like you want the best for me or that you would help me when ure In front of familiar faces. But what u really want is to put me down so that you make yourself ...

1 year has passed. The day has come for me to finally register! It is definitely by far the heaviest load off my shoulders. Ive always thought that uni exams and projects were tough.... well... projects and logbooks for pre-registration took it to a new level! The hardest shit imaginable. Although registering takes heaps off me.. id still have to carry on the project Ive been working at so far. There are so many friggin books i need to get and read.... but they are all friggin NOT FREE! Pay to read a few pages off a book online. JOKE! ugh... this makes me think of something... but i shall not think further. Anyways... Other than work life. Life outside of work has been okay i guess. Could be better but I'm contented. I need to learn to save more and spend less... I'm still bringing my own lunch to work which helps heaps.. but still need to save more. And no, I'm not saving cause i wanna buy something. I'm finally saving for no reason. I plan to hit the gym onc...

I think that i have to learn to live life as it comes. I should stop having expectations and stop day dreaming. Start living the now rather than living... what might not be, Living in the future. Living the future 'what you expect for the future' will only lead to a lot of disappointment... well not always but you just forget to live fully now. I find myself questioning myself time and again, 'why isnt this like that?' 'why hasnt it happened?!' , 'will it be?'... so stressful!! Ive to learn to be truely happy for what i already have and to start having faith and strength in believing that what i have is indeed good and that i have it way better than anyone out there. I know that i am a fortunate individual but i fail time and again count my blessings and realise that i have alot to smile about. My problem is that i anticipate too much in my overworked brain. I think too much when i can clearly be thinking less and take things as they are.... no...