GCMJM

I an Queen of Procrastination. No one deserves the title more than me. I have these things to do, Pack for japan Do up my case study for Monday Study for law exam charge my ipad. I have done 1/8 of packing.  Have written notes for case study but not neaten it up and familiarised myself with it I have started page one of the law for meds. I haven't charged my ipad.  Me winner !!!  Today has been damn warm,... sit down also can sweat... shit man.. i hate the cold but complain of the hot. yes, me weird. I need to sit down and study, but cant seem to do that. i would do anything but study.. eat, sleep, walk around, watch tv, maybe pack a little. anything but study. Then, last min will chiong like no tmr. And ok, i finally GIVE UP! This is final. I'm not going to pursue this stupid game anymore. i need my normal life back. i will not entertain anymore. i will not wait anymore. i will not be patient and believe anymore. I'm done being an idiot

Had to read 2 geriatric articles today. Almost fell asleep standing. Also sat in for one of the wards multi-disciplinary meetings today, ALONE! So much trust they have in me huh.... So at this point in time, it seems almost impossible.... but when i choose to give up, you always re-appear. maybe the lesson in this is to learn to let go. All hope isn't lost, its just that I'm impatient and that i want answers now. Good things come to those who wait.. Really??.. idk. Its best i let go and leave you to what you're doing. if things happen then they happen, if nothing happens. I'm just gonna leave it be... after all i think Ive made myself crystal clear. Im not putting in anymore effort.. its all you now.

stuff this! My patience has run dry

Again you choose to talk to me, be sweet and vanish. Your kite flying skills very good... very goood indeed..

Playing the waiting game again. Cant keep up with this, its really taking too much of mind space. On one occasion it seems like everything is going perfectly fine, advancing and blossoming.... then the waiting game begins and everything falls apart in my mind. What exactly are you doing to me? No one shall make me feel this way, absolutely no one! You come and go as and when you please. Not cool, not cool. Im gonna give up. cause if u dont put in the effort, why should i? if u dont care, why should i either? okay, from today, i'll put you in the dark room in my head. if u want to be where you once were in my head, you'd better work for it.

Each time i feel like giving up , for some reason something would happen to make me change my mind. What are you telling me world? wanna be cruel to me again ah?

Moving on

I think prayers manifest in opportunities presenting themselves to you... you then have to connect the dots to make it happen. I do not believe in fate, i believe in making things happen. But when it comes to making things happen, im a coward sometimes. HAAHAHA I will give myself till sunday and thereafter im not going to put anymore thought into this dilema. Its mentally and physically draining having to think of the 'why not's?'. Im not going to put myself through that, and so, this sunday , its make or break. Why did i get myself into this ? such PAIN!